breaks my heart

when my mom seems sad.

saturday morning

``Mr. Bennet, how can you abuse your own children in such way? You take delight in vexing me. You have no compassion on my poor nerves.''

``You mistake me, my dear. I have a high respect for your nerves. They are my old friends. I have heard you mention them with consideration these twenty years at least.''

the rollercoaster ride's a lonely one

iWorry

So for the past few weeks, I've been watching loads of documentaries. I think I was just lazy to study and I like watching TV so I just put them together so I felt less unproductive hehe.

But watching all those documentaries just made me worry. A lot.

I've been writing an essay on Malthus' population theory, which is basically: as population grows exponentially and the means of subsistence arithmetically, one day the world will just run out of food and people will die blahblah.. so watching those stupid documentaries just amplified my worries even more.

There was one about the food we eat and how unhealthy we were. I went to Whole Foods the next day. My diet now consists of nuts, prunes for antioxidants, more tuna and less take aways (that's a lie).

Then I watched one about paedophilic priests (don't ask -___-) and started worrying about my own children (next time lah). First the food, now horny priests? I decided to stop watching them for awhile. Who knows, if I watch March of the Penguins, I'll even feel sad for birds.

Yesterday, during tutorial, my tutor was telling us how to finish off our environmental essays and he said that it was okay to conclude with a bunch of questions, it was okay NOT to have a conclusion - we don't know all the answers and we don't know all the circumstances (super lightbulb moment - never thought I'd get enlightened in school -__-).

I have a lot of questions I want answered and a lot of doubts I want reassured. I know everyone does too. After much worrying over my children being molested, me starving to death, catching bird/swine/panda flu, dying in war, etc... I realised, WHAT'S THE POINT?

I told my sister about my new diet and she was like, "Yesterday, I went to Subway and they asked me what sauce I wanted. I said - EVERYTHING". Hehe.

What I'm trying to say is, whatever we worry about.. it may or may not happen. If it does, it will come sooner or later. It's okay to be uncertain, it's okay to not have all the answers.

Wow, now that I'm reading it out loud - seriously, wtf was I worrying for.

auf wiedersehn goodbye.

all that you have is your soul

i daydream. way too often. don't you?

i dream about what my life will be in 10 years. i dream about my wedding day: veil or no veil, 3 or 4 bridesmaids, garden wedding, church wedding?

i also dream about my funeral. it's not morbid, it's realistic. it's like a wedding, i'm going to be married someday, so it's a celebration of love. i'm going to die someday, why not imagine how my life will be celebrated? i'm not hoping to die, i just.. wonder what it'd be like. okay la after this post, i will touch wood ten times okay?

i want a garden after party (or funeral haha). no one is allowed to wear black and there must be cake. guests will be served my famous chicken soup (cos all moms gotta have a famous chicken soup) and playing in the background would be songs i listen to now. i hope for my children to sit around and talk about how much i used to annoy them, for them to realise later, how much they will miss me :)

the sun has gone to bed and so must i.

so long farewell auf wiedersehn goodnight.

*touches wood x10*

eminemineminem

Must be real tiring looking so angry all the time.





















SO MUCH ANGER

won't you take me to funkytown?

I wish i was born in 1980 so I could wear neon, tie my hair up sideways and turn up the radio when "Video Killed The Radio Star" comes on cos right now I'm too shy shy hush hush eye to eye to do all that.

"You always have to remember, no matter what you're told, that God loves all the flowers, even the wild ones that grow on the side of the highway"

- Cyndi Lauper

the games prisoners play

"Emotions alter the rewards of commitment problems.

Rage deters transgressors, guilt makes cheating painful, shame punishes, compassion elicits reciprocal compassion and love commits us to a relationship. Complicated emotions, so characteristic of human beings, prevent us deserting mates or forgiving unfair slights. This is in the long run, is to our advantage, for it allows us to keep marriages together in bad times, or warn off potential opportunists.

Our emotions are guarantees of our commitment."

- The Origins of Virtue

Who knew game theory also can emo.